I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
