Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
