fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
