I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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