Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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