you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
