Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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