Don't make out with my wife yet
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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