i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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