I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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