maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my being single is dangerous.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
