How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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