I met the friendliest cop last night
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize