Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
