your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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