i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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