foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize