you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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