You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
