guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
