my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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