Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
