our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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