im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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