uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
