need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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