I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
