these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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