i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
