Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
