Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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