i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
