last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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