do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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