Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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