I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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