when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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