I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
