remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
