I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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