rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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