i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
