Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
