Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
