were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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