So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
there is glitter all over my balls
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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