Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
