the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
