I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
