So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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