from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
