I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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