there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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