My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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