Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
