I think my fart just growled at me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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