I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize