I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
