in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
