smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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