best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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