do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
