I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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