Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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