He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
