...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
