i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
MIDGETS
????
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
