she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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