I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
