could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
